Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
