you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
please come you make the beer taste better
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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