At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.