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Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Randomize
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