Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today

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(646): your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today http://tfl.nu/czz0

Replies (3) Good night (2237) Bad night (4366)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

the vacuum is drunk

(703): View more from Virginia

what?

(908): View more from New Jersey

i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

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(908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh

Replies (17) Good night (2714) Bad night (680)
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(914): View more from New York

I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.

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(914): I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out. http://tfl.nu/9z0j

Replies (19) Good night (2616) Bad night (639)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.

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(808): It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex. http://tfl.nu/n6q7

Replies (29) Good night (595) Bad night (4351)
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(707): View more from California

Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.

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(707): Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me. http://tfl.nu/6om9

Replies (14) Good night (3720) Bad night (1067)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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(502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9

Replies (10) Good night (4917) Bad night (1561)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.

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(860): He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days. http://tfl.nu/v2o4

Replies (18) Good night (5413) Bad night (980)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?

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(501): My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class? http://tfl.nu/2kq9

Replies (10) Good night (884) Bad night (3057)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics

(416): View more from Toronto

But that's half the fun of it

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(647): Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics (416): But that's half the fun of it http://tfl.nu/vf29

Replies (6) Good night (2426) Bad night (707)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour

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(859): will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour http://tfl.nu/165f

Replies (4) Good night (1631) Bad night (526)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.

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(706): Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week. http://tfl.nu/4lee

Replies (5) Good night (2749) Bad night (1005)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep

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(774): I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep http://tfl.nu/07gg

Replies (6) Good night (1977) Bad night (683)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.

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(985): He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed. http://tfl.nu/6hgc

Replies (6) Good night (1156) Bad night (350)
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(847): View more from Illinois

That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...

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(847): That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't... http://tfl.nu/cux6

Replies (4) Good night (520) Bad night (1159)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.

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(308): It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near. http://tfl.nu/2ey3

Replies (1) Good night (648) Bad night (256)

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