wanna go halves on a baby?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?