my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
only if we run a train.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up