his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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