Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."