My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3