Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.

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  (541): I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog. http://tfl.nu/ft4h
  Replies (53) Good night (3804) Bad night (977)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.

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  (216): As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks. http://tfl.nu/d4mm
  Replies (14) Good night (1248) Bad night (4428)
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  (805): View more from California

  we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

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  (805): we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home http://tfl.nu/wods
  Replies (17) Good night (1143) Bad night (8006)
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  (510): View more from California

  I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

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  (510): I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders. http://tfl.nu/3tbi
  Replies (73) Good night (6473) Bad night (3278)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.

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  (719): You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either. http://tfl.nu/n0om
  Replies (6) Good night (2740) Bad night (1383)
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  (415): View more from California

  there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am

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  (415): there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am http://tfl.nu/m06t
  Replies (2) Good night (1069) Bad night (2388)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.

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  (717): i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego. http://tfl.nu/vgwh
  Replies (20) Good night (4790) Bad night (1364)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills

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  (704): I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills http://tfl.nu/vb73
  Replies (10) Good night (2009) Bad night (717)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.

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  (716): Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now. http://tfl.nu/i6pt
  Replies (2) Good night (782) Bad night (311)
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  (510): View more from California

  A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out

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  (510): A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out http://tfl.nu/sxee
  Replies (5) Good night (1759) Bad night (458)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b

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  (804): You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b http://tfl.nu/6jtc
  Replies (8) Good night (823) Bad night (488)
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  (916): View more from California

  Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.

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  (916): Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/njx1
  Replies (2) Good night (925) Bad night (302)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless

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  (405): you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless http://tfl.nu/slz8
  Replies (2) Good night (551) Bad night (293)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband

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  (406): Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband http://tfl.nu/ysmf
  Replies (4) Good night (1332) Bad night (206)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes

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  (540): I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes http://tfl.nu/fbfz
  Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (219)

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