Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  did you get my message about your dog?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  no... is he ok?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry

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  (248): did you get my message about your dog? (1-248): no... is he ok? (248): no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry http://tfl.nu/keer
  Replies (16) Good night (641) Bad night (2869)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You can't special order awesome

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  (404): You can't special order awesome http://tfl.nu/116h
  Replies (14) Good night (2931) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

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  (616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sgel
  Replies (132) Good night (1269) Bad night (30165)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  meet me or not, i'm out of control

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  (303): meet me or not, i'm out of control http://tfl.nu/t1zj
  Replies (29) Good night (3438) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.

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  (914): after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/2bsg
  Replies (41) Good night (746) Bad night (6301)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  You would...

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  (204): So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone. (1-204): You would... http://tfl.nu/ljy4
  Replies (14) Good night (1130) Bad night (3494)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom

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  (860): at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/ajul
  Replies (3) Good night (1908) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.

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  (810): I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well. http://tfl.nu/a4oz
  Replies (10) Good night (3260) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.

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  (910): I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea. http://tfl.nu/24jk
  Replies (11) Good night (723) Bad night (1394)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.

  (315): View more from New York

  They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.

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  (315): So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers. (315): They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair. http://tfl.nu/om27
  Replies (10) Good night (1608) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.

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  (360): She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone. http://tfl.nu/5hxx
  Replies (11) Good night (807) Bad night (1323)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

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  (423): Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/4jzk
  Replies (6) Good night (1701) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.

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  (336): You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens. http://tfl.nu/3z5p
  Replies (6) Good night (1303) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material

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  (+44): I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material http://tfl.nu/6zdu
  Replies (6) Good night (1403) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.

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  (407): you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest. http://tfl.nu/qs4v
  Replies (10) Good night (998) Bad night (482)

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