I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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