he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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