I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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