She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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