You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
