dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
