found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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