Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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