I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
