I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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