Pants 0. Shit 1.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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