He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
