I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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