I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
