does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
