I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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