Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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