I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
