rhymes with "ouble enetration"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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