There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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