I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
