Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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