is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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