I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
