Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
