Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
