end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The beer is more important than you right now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
