I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
