is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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