According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's blow job season.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
