remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
