nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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