Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
