also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
