rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
