I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
