for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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