she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
