Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
