Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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