U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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