I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
