Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
