so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
