Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
