apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
