Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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