She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
