Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
