Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize