This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
