it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
