so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
accomplished twins. life is a go
is wine microwaveable?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
