sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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