I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
