i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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