so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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