He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
