I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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